Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The color test

I took the color personality test.

I got 16 Blues, 14 yellows, 8 reds and 7 whites.

So i am a Blue/Yellow personality.

Here's what it says about me:

Love to do things for others and will seek opportunity to give up something for themselves to bring others happiness
Want to love and be loved
Crave to be understood. They may have their hearts broken more often, but will spend more time in love
They need to be thanked and remembered, with sincere gratitude and delight in the remembrance of special occasions like birthdays
the like to behave "appropriately" and enjoy being good, with a great sense of integrity

Love play and often are the host of the party
They welcome praise and need to be noticed and know they're reveared and approved of
They need emotional connections especially thru touch.
They want to be popular - friendships are high priority
They're very verbal, talk a lot
they seek action and adventure.

i'd say it's pretty accurate, at least for me.

Monday, January 26, 2009


So, i'll admit - sometimes when i look at art, read a book or a poem and see that the author, the painter, the initiator of whatever it may be is "anon.," i get butterflies.

I've never really thought about why before, but I think it's oddly invigorating. ANYONE could have done it! The stranger could be standing next to you, reading the poem, smiling silently to him or herself thinking "she has no idea..."


Some people, i think, reckon that "Anonymous" is just an excuse to misquote something, or that it's an unconfident, weem of a thing to do.
"Come on! Put your name on it! Be proud of your work!" Right?
Hmm...Yeah, I'm all for being proud of your work but consider this:

Have you ever done something for someone anonymously? Have you ever set your alarm a couple hours earlier so you could get up and clean the kitchen for your mom before she woke up and when she sees it all she's SO GLAD and you're just sitting there on the couch, eating your Oh's, watching your Saturday morning cartoons thinking "she has no idea...mreh mrehhhh..."

I think it feels oddly invigorating because instead of thinking "Yeah, Robert Frost IS that brilliant," or "Gee -that Renoir - really knew what he was doing, eh?" You can think to yourself "someone, somehwere, DID that!" And I find that more comforting and motivating. You see, Renior is RENOIR! And Robert Frost is Robert. FROST! There's no way I could do something like them.

But anonymous? I think that just seems like a closer star to catch :)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

My current status

makes me feel pensive, thoughtful, grateful, anxious, nervous, scared, ready, willing, peaceful, uneasy, undeserving, lucky, glad, beautiful, amused, enlightened, protective, respectful, connected, selfless, selfish, risky, brave, sheepish, vulnerable and smiley.

Mostly i'm okay with it.
But it's at times like these when i maybe wish i were a fairy.

"Tink was not at all bad: or, rather, she was all bad just now, but, on the other hand, sometimes she was all good. Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one filling only at a time. They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change." - J. M. Barrie, Peter and Wendy

Also - i have soap in my eye and it stings.

Despite it all and my want to dig into each feeling and thought, i know that i'm simply the most fortunate individual Provo, Utah has ever seen in the month of January during the year 2009.

case in point.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Nat King Cole sang..

a song called "Smile" that i LOVE.
Lyrics say:

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining thru for you!

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide evey trace of sadness
Allthough a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying!
Smile, what's the use in crying!?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Do I love that song? Yes.
Have I always loved it? Yes.
Is that my new philosophy? Yes.
Has it always been? Probably.

And that's why this blog is happening. Walking around campus today, I became PAINFULLY aware of the general lack of enthusiasm and, well, smiling in the people around me. Why aren't people smiling? The winter can't suck THAT bad - i don't think it's THAT cold - I don't think we're all in hate with the idea of a new president - getting an education, while cumbersome to personal hobbies and general time management, isn't SO BAD that we can't smile every once in a while! It hurt me to see such sad faces. And i wondered "Where did all the smiles go!!"

As for me, i may just be more sensitive to it all because i've been smiling so much lately. In fact, I'm finding it a rare moment for me NOT to be smiling. I suppose i'm just really feeling the hand of God in my life, and i can't help but be glad beyond all verbal expression!! Maybe that's why i notice the opposite?

I wish i could just barf joy onto people - minus the digesting food components and stomach acid.
I wish people would let themselves be happy.
I wish i could convince people that optimism really is a way to sustain life, just as much as carbohydrates, water or Vitamin D.
I wish people wouldn't feel so burdened - not by things that ARE a burden. Yeah, it's okay to feel the stress of responsiblities - but i wish people wouldn't create unnecessary burdens within themselves that take away the smiles from their beautiful faces. You know, those brudens like "social norms," "self doubt," and "appropriateness."
I wish i could infuse the Provo water system with endorphins.
I wish i could play Nat King Cole or even sing like Buddy the Elf over some universal P.A. system and tell jokes with absolutely no shame so folks could laugh at me instead of worry about themselves.
I wish i could go all around campus and make snow angels on every patch of snow so people would remember the ones watching over them every day.
I just wish people would have faith in the attractiveness of their own smile, and trust that science really did prove that the mere act of smiling really does improve your mood.

Because you know what? Life really IS still worthwhile if you just smile.

Or not, sometimes i guess.

Monday, January 12, 2009

most days

also it makes me happy every time i see someone with a real-life-no-foolin' Mullet.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

sometimes i feel bloggy

late at night.
or is it early in the morning?

This is what i'm thinking about. Time is so precious to me, and we have such a quirky relationship that mostly i try not to think about it.

But right now - i'm thinking about it.

Traditionally speaking, we break time down. We've got centuries, decades, years, months, weeks, days, hours.
Even more specifically we can divide them up into "ages" or "eras" or what not - but every day the most reoccurring theme, i believe, is "Morning," "Noon" and "Night."

Other variations include;

Morning - A.M. - (or for the even earlier feel/effect: Dawn)
Noon - afternoon - early evening - etc.
Evening - late afternoon
Night - dusk - sundown etc.

So, I sometimes like to break things up for my mild O.C.D. organizational habits. For instance, i consider the winter months to be Dec.-Feb. The spring months are March-May, the summer months are June-August and the fall months are Sep-Nov.
It just works.

But it doesn't work out so cleanly every day. No, it doesn't work so well at all!
Thus, my confusion is born.

Personally, I'd say "Morning" or "Dawn" is from sunup to noon-ish. So saaay 7:00 am - 12:00 pm.
Then, obviously, we've made the transition to "Noon" or "Afternoon" (which, literally speaking, is anytime from 12:01 pm, and on.) This lasts for a few hours, just a couple less than "morning" because the transition to evening comes quickly. I'd give "Noon" from about 12:00 to 3:00 or 4:00 pm.
Then we've got "late afternoon" or "evening" which lasts, i believe, until it gets dark. This period of the day is a few hours, as well from 3:00 or 4:00 pm till maybe 7:00 pm?? Something like that.
Then it's night. For sure it's night! Darkness = night, yes!? yes.
My first inclination would be that "Night" lasts until the sun comes up. The sun comes up (depending on the season) anywhere from 5-ish to 7-ish the next day. HOWEVER at 12:00 a.m. it is widely recognized that the new day has begun (just ask devout Mormons with strict curfews or on fast Sundays!!) And in my mind, every new day should begin with a morning, right?
But the "morning" doesn't start unless we have "Dawn" which by definition is the first appearance of light in the sky at sunrise. But the sun doesn't rise until 5 or more hours into the new day - which should start with MORNING!
What to do what to do!??!
Seriously - what are those few hours of the new day from midnight to dawn? It can't be night, because it's a new day, but it can't be morning because there's no sun! And almost in a metaphysical kind of way - this time of day really only exists when you're awake to experience it. Most other people are sleeping. And when you're sleeping - it almost doesn't exist at all. It's kind of like Narnia!
Oh, i know. It's quite the conundrum.

I think i'll come up with my own word to describe those wee hours post-night/pre-morning. It's the time of day when everyone is a little loosey goosey. As previosuly blogges, it's obvious to me that many let their guard down at this time of day. And as the brilliant Brian Andreas says, "I always liked the time before dawn becasue there's no one around to remind me who i'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who i am." I daresay, it's almost a Godly time of day. I would go so far as to say somehow the veil of understanding becomes a little bit thinner and though it's hard to discern what is brain fart, what is loopy-exhaustion or divine revelation, there are such bits of goodness scattered within a wandering mind.
So I think it deserves it's own classification.
And being inspired by my latin-speaking choir friends from the Utah High School Honors choir concert thingy i played in tonight - i shall call this twilighted, mystical time of day
scio gaudium caelestis pre-obdormio
to understand the joy and delight in the heavenly/celestial time pre-falling asleep.
By jove! I've got it.

Too bad i'm still not satisfied.
Ah well! Off to sleep now...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Status update:

Lizzy is boycotting blogging until everyone else starts to step it up! I don't care that you're busy! You've got a fan base with expectations!!!

Monday, January 5, 2009

reasons this semester is gonna ROCK:

1. cold shower. It's never happened before at this apartment until this morning.
2. Free bagel! (buy 10 get the 11th free!!)
3. pink sky this morning. BeAUTIFUL.
4. when it snows enough for the fresh powder to exceed the height of the heeled, ankle boots.
5. 4-inch thick ice in parking lot, plus unwieldy mini-van, in sub zero weather = (and i kid. you. not.):

(seriously, guys! The lack of plowing in my parking lot has allowed for inches of ice to collect, except for where there exist giant ruts where we see a wee path for tires, however the transition from parking space to street, via the ice-rutted lot is, in fact, a very unsafe and unfortunate state of affairs.)
6. The fact that it took longer to get from my apartment to the Hale Center Theater in Orem and back than it did to go from Provo to SLC to pick up Jocelyn from the airport.
7. The sweet tunage that played in my car during the journey through the Arctic:
Stand by Me
So What
You really love me (underneath it all)
Saturday Night Fever
and the topper (please listen and appreciate. I'm sure you'll all be surprised by how many of the words you actually do know....)

Gettin Jiggy Wit It [1998] - Will Smith


8. "LEARN HOW TO DRIVE IN THE 'G.D.' SNOW, you 'F'in' 'A'!! GET OFF my 'F-in' TAIL!!! 'F' YOU!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW 'G.D...'......"
I didn't hear the rest because that's when i shut my window.
This really did happen, Kids! (Despite my good car's length away from the monster truck in front of me. Wait! Big truck! Hmm...i hear that men with big trucks are...insecure. Poor fellow! ;) Not to mention big fat truck COMPLETE with BYU "Y" sticker on the back. MMmm...Gotta love them righteous BYU alum! ) So, naturally, as Emily said "If only he hadn't gotten back in that car, i'd show him a very special finger!!" we decided just to beep, smile and wave as we passed him. The BEST way to spread Christmas cheer, throughout the year, is to yell profanities for all to hear.
But hey! Did it absolutely make my day? You BETCHA!

Me and angry man. Guess who's who?!