Today was a "low" day for me.
I woke up late morning, felt like crap, ate some food feeling like crap, went back to sleep till 2, woke up feeling like crap, and went to the music building to practice and do homework (and watch x-men :) ) - but all still feeling like crap.
I feel as though i need to and should lock myself away, never to be seen FOREVER! (and sometimes when adults say "forever" they just mean "a very long time...")
I know that's completely irrational and whatever but i am hurting people and i can't stand it. I was at a huge dance thing tonight (took me a lot to finally decide to go) and i spent a lot of time with a very good dear friend of mine who i haven't spoken with much all week - so we decided to leave and chill and watch the best of Will Ferrell on DVD. Then my roommates came home, not expecting to see us there, and with them was the boy in question from blog #1. I felt kind of bad - because he seemed a little upset by it - but why?! We're not exclusive! It's just insane. I feel so guilty ALL the time. And he happens to be really good friends with my roommate so...she's telling me to talk to him and to not be a jerk and she's even going so far as to compare me to someone who 100% pulled the rug out from under me earlier this year - and by 100% i mean he hasn't really talked to me for two months until just this week. I am not that person. I want to be friends with everyone! Or i just need a friend..group of friends..boyfriend who lives far away and doesn't attend BYU who can take me away. Always.
Maybe i should just be in love with my trombone and perhaps something in my life would be accomplished.
Good grief!
No comments:
Post a Comment