Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Life is like Grammar


And frustrating.

But necessary.

Every "rule" isn't really a "rule" because it sometimes has more exceptions than it had "rule" in the first place.

See, with commas, there are very specific instances in which you should use them. In lists, for example:
"I enjoy eating curry, sleeping in, and petting dogs."

But that only applies if I didn't present it with "I enjoy these three things in particular..."

Had I begun it that way I would have to use a SEMICOLON. Or maybe a colon. Frankly, I don't feel like pulling out the book to check.

It's like how you don't use your fingers to eat UNLESS you're presented with chicken wings and/or pizza. UNLESS you're in the company of someone who eats their pizza with a fork. Then you may want to consider doing so, as well, so as to avoid potential embarrassment.

And what about "'i' before 'e' except after 'c'?"

It works with most things like "receive" or "friend."

But what about "seizure" or "species," huh?

Maybe that's the same as when mostly you're supposed to wear clothes that look, I dunno, fresh and clean and new. But sometimes it's okay to buy jeans that already have holes in them?

And then there are the homonyms.  "Affect" is to influence and "effect" is to implement.  "Stationary" is not moving, whereas "stationery" refers to paper.

Mostly I think that's like how people with names like "Chelsea" or "Amber Lee" were likely born in the Mid-west to East-coast region, whereas people named "Chyelsiee" or "Embur Leigh" were likely born in Utah Valley.

And then there are the grammar-element personality-types. I know you know some.

Dash-people: always putting in their aside comments and silly puns.
"I told her I'd be there - but really I'd rather jump off a cliff! HAHA!"

Hyphen-people: long-winded folk who need a good excuse for a run-on sentence life.
"My brother's-best-friend's-ex's-mom's-favorite-baby-sitter is MY best-friend's-cousin's-cousin and I just found out that her favorite thing is under-water-basket-weaving and orange-mochan-frappachinos!"

Parentheses-people: Unobtrusive individuals who have their own thoughts, but you never really know it.
"Here's that report you asked me to do (even though it's not part of my job description) and I really need your signature on those forms I gave you (two weeks ago) and thanks for the chocolate birthday cake (even though I'm allergic...)"

Ellipsis-people: Melodramatic in nature. They leave you always wondering what they're REALLY thinking.
"You're wearing THAT?"
"What's wrong with this?"
"Oh....nothing...it's just...well...never mind..."

Is it not all the most true?

And amusing?

Oh grammar.

I guess I'd better get back to studying you, now.


  1. You forgot the part about the Oxford comma, which you used quite brilliantly, which is always a subject of debate since "I like curry, sleeping in and petting dogs" is also acceptable (but I tend to use the second comma there because "sleeping in" and "petting dogs" don't necessarily have anything to do with each other).

    Also, colon, not semicolon.

    Grammar is about as close as I get to doing math.

  2. Are you by any chance in M Com 320 right now? I am and have to take a beast of a grammar test this week. My life has been filled with grammar and it's all I can think about. Good luck with studying!