At Christmas time I find myself feeling all those Christmas-associated feelings. The influence of Christ and Christian cheer runs rampant now more than any other time of year. It gladdens my heart and makes my spirit sing.
However, I get caught up with the concept of giving. One of my favorite books growing up was called "The Giver." That has nothing to do with this blog. Anyway - I find that I'm inhibited. I don't have the money to buy the things I would love to give people, and I find that I'm incapable of giving to others (to the fullest extent) the pieces of myself that I would like to give.
But I've been told it's the thought that counts. Too bad I don't entirely believe that.
However, in a feeble attempt to redeem myself and the lack of giving that I feel has taken place, I will tell you what I would give you if i could:
(you being the few who will actually read this blog. I hope you can easily identify yourselves.)
To my sister:
You have served my my whole life through your actions and example. I've learned more from you than from anyone else, i think. I am so grateful to you, and as we have become better friends, I would wish only to give you my undying support and love. I would give you everything that is mine to give.
To Marmee and Derd:
You gave me my life and all my strongest senses of right and wrong, and common sense. You have lead me, and guided me along my whole life - forgiving everything wrong and understanding everything in between. In return, I hope to relieve you with laughs, comfort you with care and understanding, and keep you involved with all the time i have to give, and honest communication in everything.
You have given me instantaneous friendship, respect and kindheartedness. I have been overwhelmed, a bit, and surprised by the outpouring, but I really appreciate it so greatly. In return, I give you my fullest degree of gratitude and mutual friendliness, and my hope to cultivate this unexpected, rapid bond.
You have opened my mind, my heart and my eyes in countless ways. I am fascinated by who you are, who you have been, and who you want to be, and learn such new, interesting and engrossing aspects about myself and life because of it. I love who you make me want to be and hope that through my spasmodic and odd fits of life you can know that I hope to give back to you what you have given me. And know that if I could I would give you more time for you to see, listen and learn. But since that's not mine to give, all i can offer is my dearest friendship, highest respect, and a safe space you can fall back on.
You have been so consistent, and such a thoughtful influence in my life this semester. Such fast friendships, and good bonds are seldom so easily developed. I am grateful for your thoughts, and the ways you choose to express them, because I learn so much. If I could give you anything, I would give you all the success you would ever hope for in any area of your life. I want to see you on top of the world some day, and I will give you anything I can to help you get there.
To my Angel friend:
You have given me more sweetness and compassion than anyone else these past few months. Your light seems to penetrate any darkness and your strength can overcome any obstacle, whether it be yours or not. A gift I would give you is a full heart, and an eternal smile. I would blow up all the cigarette companies in the world, and I would block the dark places in your mind with mirrors to reflect your beautiful spirit. I love you, and hope that shows through every day and shame on me if it doesn't.
At any rate - when angels sing, stars shine and faces smile - I can sing, shine and smile with them. And even though there is a tender regret within my heart, a feeling of inadequacy, a feeling that I should have done more, that i should have put out more, that i should have tried harder to give - I find comfort because it is upon this day that we celebrate Christ's birth, and I know that he CAN give those things that I cannot. He already has given us those things in many cases; the tools and talents to succeed, His support, love, respect, guidance, time and His life.
Merry Christmas, my Friends. I love you and I thank you.
God bless us, Every. One.