Sunday, December 7, 2008

the best definition of good intentions

Another blog!
(reminds me of "Another Openin' Another show!! la da da da da and Baltimo'!")

Another moment to try to organize this beautiful disaster floating around in my head.

Or not :)

First, I'll start with a story:

Once upon a time there was a girl and it was me. She woke up smiling and went to church. And she went with a softer, more malleable spirit than was usual on other Sundays, and surprise, surprise, it did her a lot of good. She sat thru her classes, hearing themes of forgiveness, the light of Christ, etc. etc. and she felt her burdens were already lighter. Words of wisdom passed thru her head "cast your burdens upon the Lord, for his yolk is light compared to the world in which you live." She smiled and again felt inspired. During sacrament meeting, she sat next to a friend with whom she couldn't help but be glad and again, more inspiration "declare your testimony of the gospel. In doing so you will find peace, joy and happiness." "Well," she thought, "who wouldn't want peace, joy and happiness!!" So she considered approaching the stand to publicly declare her knowledge to the congregation and to God. However due to her membership of a BYU single's ward, the task of approaching the pulpit on fast-and-testimony Sunday (an experience much like rushing the crowd of middle-aged women and angsty-teenage boys at a Rolling Stones concert, I'm sure) seemed a bit daunting. So she didn't speak at the pulpit. Had she the courage to have done so it would have gone a little something like this:
"Hello!" She adjusts the mic. It pops. "Oof!'s...uh...ahem!!...sorry about that!" She clears her throat. "Well, I felt I should make my way up here today to express my testimony as an act of gratitude to my God. These past few weeks have been difficult for me, as I know they've been for many others, and had I not had the support of a loving, all-knowing Father in Heaven I have absolutely now idea how I would have handled it all. In the darkest of times, the knowledge of the truthfulness of the gospel and all it entails is what can bring perspective, and prevent further damage and alienation. I know it is true and I can see it everywhere and in everything. And there is nothing I find more refreshing than to find another metaphor, another analogy or another situation that parallels a principle of the gospel. I know that God gives us these reminders to help strengthen us along the way, on a daily basis, and-" she considers using an "i spy" or "where's waldo" analogy, but relinquishes due to the "inappropriate" context of such a comment ('but i once said "rock on" at the pulpit?!' -yes, and people remember you for that, not the rest of what you said, now don't they- 'true.') "and it's interesting to me to look for them every day, almost like a puzzle! And it makes me glad, and strengthens my testimony. Just the other day something crossed my path that made me understand the atonement just a little bit more. It had nothing to do with my New Testament class, but everything to do with Charles Dickens. And yesterday I realized," she paused, considering carefully her options (jamming out, boogying down, dancing) "listening to Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music that i cannot wait to spend time getting to know my sister, dad and mom for the rest of eternity. And it is thru these daily experiences, more than almost anything else, that I know God loves me. And because God loves me, it is no wonder His gospel is true. It is no wonder that He has sent prophets, apostles and living angels to this earth to see us through. It is no wonder He restored this knowledge to the earth. It is no wonder, and there is no doubt in my mind of its truthfulness. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

But as we know, she didn't get to the pulpit.
In fact, she never left her seat.
Oh well! Maybe next time.
After church, this girl went to ward choir practice. They sounded so lovely, watched her direct intently and were so gentle in the way they sang "silent night" that again, the girl was touched. Afterward, she had the opportunity to smile more with the love and friendliness of those around her who sought out her company. What a Godly thing to do - to seek someone out like that. Then she went home, to be greeted by roommates. They took family pictures, and they really did feel like a family again. She loved it when she and the other 5 girls felt like a family. What a glorious feeling! To be so close as to feel like really, blood-related sisters. It is in those moments when we can really understand the sisterhood of the women on this earth, and the brotherhood of all people across all time! We are all God's children.

Persuasion came next (after a quick visiting teaching appointment) and her heart flew a little. Jane Austen novels, attractive English men, fine acting and film all in British dialect can do one's heart so much good. Not to mention all of it taking place in a room with a squealing, giddy and gleeful couple of girls! It's a movie that can really make you think - and for this girl? Well, she thought. The story deals a lot with firmness of character, determination, forgiveness, understanding, and communication. She asked herself "Hmm...'twere it me - would I be easily persuaded? If I found something so good for me, would I be easily talked out of it or talked out of it at all?!" Not too long after she realized she wouldn't be. What's right is right, what's wrong is wrong, and anything that's more vague than that should just be ignored, right? :)
Too bad life's a little more complicated than that.

Yadda yadda yadda, the girl wound up at her house, with her family, a friend, and a beautiful angel. They ate, they laughed, and nothing - no, nothing - could have been more revitalizing for a tired countenance. (But, some Razzleberry dressing would be nice!!) The irony of things done, the humor of things said, and the twinkling Christmas decor was a fine addition to an already fine day.

Returning to her apartment, the girl ran off to visit teach Marie Bond. What is it about people that can see right beyond such wonderful people like Marie? There is no other girl as centered, as cheerful, as driven, and as entirely admirable as Marie Bond (or, at least not that was known to our story.) Moving on with her day, the girl stopped by a friend's house to give a gift of St. Andrews. It feels neat to be able to do neat things.

And then came some evening hymn singing. "Contrary to public opinion," the girl thought, "it's really some singing on a Sunday evening that helps the medicine go down! ...Or something..."

But what was truly miraculous happened upon REALLY returning back to the apartment. Waiting for her, gently bobbing on the waves as they lapped onto the shore (and by that I really mean "sitting on her kitchen table") was a message in a bottle. The girl was truly tickled. A message in a bottle?! Who's really received a genuine, personalized message in a bottle?! (Cue Sting: Message in a boooottleeeee...dun nuh nuh nuhhh nnuhhh nuhhhh!) Again, she smiled and opened it, smiled some more and continued on her merry way, smiling, and keeping company with herself and with others, until the evening came.

And it was then when she found true closure; when she got to hug her beautiful angel friend, help her into bed, tuck her in and kiss her head goodnight. Somehow, some way - the girl was remeinded that in her life there was, truly, So Much to look forward to.

Now "I'm in need of some serious repose."

But I think if I were to add some things to my list of happies in my joy journal they would be this:
1. New mascara
2. Happy people
3. Making Christmas (la la la!)
4. Revelation
5. Finding things in common with new friends
6. Being an instrument
7. Feeling hopeful so much that all you can do is laugh!
8. The moment when you realize you left makeup marks on a boy's white collard shirt after a hug. Oops!
9. Stuffed animals
10. The smell of pine
11. Knowing there's someone IN love with someone that you love a lot :)
(but....that's a secret that no one knows!)


  1. I'm so glad you had such a good day yesterday! I really enjoyed your testimony, too :) Have another wonderful day today, ok? ok.

  2. It meant a lot to me to have you tuck me in last night. I couldn't tell you then just how wonderful it was. You make my tummy happy inside! Thank you for being my friend and my miracle.