But Seriously....

If I could do anything in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD......

I would make movies.

Coming to a Close

Semester is done

Gone the sun

From the lakes

From the hills

From the sky!

All is well?

Soon to rest,

God is nigh.

I will stop my griping, friends. I will. 

I think I'm "one of those" kinds of people who just needs to be unhappy for a minute, and then I can get over my bad self and move on. Right? Right.

The semester is almost over. I will celebrate it by making Grammy's Christmas cookies with my sister, on accounta she would have made them herself, but had some old friends and family to go visit instead.

Instead of complaining today, I'll mix it up a little.

I'll explain that I'm grateful for the chance to fail tests. I'm grateful for parents that have paid for my education my whole life, who have educated themselves, and who have insisted I use a dictionary when I have questions.

I'm grateful for my voice, that I can do plays, and that I can sing because it makes me feel happy.

I'm grateful for the people God puts in our path to brighten our days and make us feel better.

  

I'm happy for chocolate, even if it does make me feel porky when I eat too much.

I'm grateful for Christmas time, that for at least once in a year, people turn their hearts to Christ - even if just for a second. It is no coincidence that people are kinder, more giving, more loving and more caring at this time of year. It is the thinking of Christ, listening to music about Him, and living the way He would have us live - even if just for one month a year.

God bless us, everyone! And Merry Christmas!

The Good Deed

Found this in my drafts. Realized it never got posted. So sad. Betcha I lost points.

Blog 1:

See - for school I'm supposed to be blogging weekly. I have to admit, while I enjoy blogging  - I haven't been as religious about it as I should be. And for some reason - this semester has dried me up. It seems like whenever I try to do something good for myself or anyone else, a thousand not-good things creep in and take over.

Like my "good deed." We (my writing class) were assigned to try to find someone more stressed out than we were (it being the last week of school and all.) I'm currently in a local production of A Christmas Carol, with like 60 cast members. I thought - with it being the last week of school for many of them, or many of them have kids - for whom it's the last week of school - and it was opening week of the show - why not try to do something nice and good for these stressed people?

So I brought cookies.  I brought delicious, huge, local-bakery-made cookies. A wide assortment, mind you, and VERY festive. I'm talking red and green M&M's here.

I brought the cookies. And sitting on my counter - still - are 6 of those cookies. They didn't go over too well. Mind you, the little kids liked them, sure.  And some people seemed to enjoy them. I, myself, enjoyed two.

I always thought cookies made life better. Ah well.

Blog 2: The continuation of thought.

This has been happening a lot lately.

Seems like every time I try to make a good, healthy, home-cooked meal, the pot boils over, or the bottom gets burned.

When I study my (expletive) off for a test, I get a 60-something.

If I try to watch what I eat, I GAIN weight.

Management at work seems to notice only the few times I fall through rather than the many times I pull through.

When you make an offer on a house, it falls through and the sellers change their minds, anyway!

And what's worst is I'm not even just failing to look on the bright side. This is all just fact, people! Cynic aside!!

I just don't understand the change in tide.

Sunrise, sunset, I suppose...

Buying a House

Yeah, we're thinking about buying a house.

Is that sort of scary or what?

The reasons are these:

1. We'll be here for 2-3 more years for SURE.

2. We'll need a place to live for those 2-3 years.

3. Interest rates are at a great, all-time low

4. Houe prices are at a great, all-time low

5. We're going to be paying a few hundred a month to live in an apartment, anyway, so why not pay a few hundred to a mortgage and live in a place where we can make changes/paint/do whatever we want.

Yep. Pretty good reasons, if you ask me.

I've looked at maybeeee 10 houses give or take?

These are the two standing out to us:

-----

This one has updated lots of things. New paint, new floors, new carpet, new kitchen (upstairs.) It's got a ton of storage space, and it's on a huge lot. There are driveways on either side of the house (it's a corner lot.) Really cool.  Downside: the floorplan is a little maze-like. The downstairs bathroom and kitchen are a little outdated and the downstairs kitchen doesn't have a range or a refrigerator. Or a garbage disposal. And it doesn't have a washer or dryer.

This one is proving to be our favorite. It's very clean and breezy feeling. It's a little smaller than the first one. But it is cozy and charming. It's got a dishwasher for both upstairs and downstairs kitchens. It's got a garbage disposal for both, too! And it has a washer and dryer. And it's got a fairly big yard.  Downside: no garage, less storage space, a little less space in general, and the heating/cooling system (while totally new and clean) connects between the upstairs and downstairs in such a way that (from our experience) you can hear 100% of downstairs discussions upstairs, and vise versa.

Decisions, decisions.

They're in relatively the same location. Just both very different. 

But very cool for all those very different reasons.

But it's hard to make a decision! Let alone think about the process of signing and closing and moving and getting our contract sold (which I feel will be NO problem, but will still take a bit of effort,) and all that jazz. 

The idea of it is just so appealing. I wish it would just happen in the blink of an eye so I wouldn't have to deal with all that goes into the process :) 

When the crazy wheel slows down, where will you be?

I've been thinking a lot lately. And you know what's frustrating about thinking a  lot is that oftentimes, I don't come up with specific ideas or conclusions.  Sometimes I make new goals, sometimes I have small realizations, but thinking - for me - typically just leads to a stupor of thought, more questioning or more thinking.

But I've seen a lot these past few weeks. And I think, for once, I do have something to say about it.

I've seen friends rise and fall and succeed and fail. And I have done all of those things, too.

It's been a crazy few weeks.

And here's what I've come to find:

Religion is like weight loss.  You have to do it for yourself, because you want to, and because it makes you feel good. You don't have to prove anything to anyone and if you believe you DO have something to prove, you're likely not going to be as successful.

Truth is everywhere, and it's okay to accept that and embrace it.

Families are good. It's okay to be patient with them. They need it the most, anyway.

Thinking about where you want to be and who you want to be when you're 65 years old really really really puts things into perspective.

Sometimes you make choices just because. And they may not be the "right" choice or the "wrong" choice - but because it's a choice you already made, you can MAKE IT the right choice. Accept that. And move on.

People matter more than grades. And if I'm ever an employer, I will believe and accept that with all my heart, and hire you even if you didn't graduate college with a 4.0.

There's no reason you can't do what you love. And if you're worried about someone loving you for doing what you love - don't. If someone doesn't love YOU (the you that's doing what you love) you shouldn't be with them anyway. 

You should be happy first, and then worry about making money. Because the first option is typically more in your control than the second. And it's more important, too.

-------

And - as my dear friend has been singing in my voice coaching classes from "Chess" - when the crazy wheel slows down, where will I be?

Think about it. When all that is hectic and "important" goes away, what will remain? Who will you be? Is it good? Do you like that person?

I think I'm still trying to figure that out, myself. But it's certainly helped me put things into perspective the last few weeks....

Making my Heart Break

I had a good friend post about a poem. I read the poem. I hope you take some time to read it, too.

You know - I've been thinking a lot about love and life, and regret and heart break lately. My thoughts aren't totally together about it all, but this poem certainly taps into something deep. And, if you ask me, it's the perfect poem of longing to compliment a chilly fall day. Don't you think?

MAUD MULLER, on a summer's day,

Raked the meadow sweet with hay.

Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth 

Of simple beauty and rustic health.

Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee

The mock-bird echoed from his tree.

But when she glanced to the far-off town,

White from its hill-slope looking down,

The sweet song died, and a vague unrest

And a nameless longing filled her breast,

A wish, that she hardly dared to own, 

For something better than she had known.

The Judge rode slowly down the lane, 

Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane.

He drew his bridle in the shade

Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid,

And ask a draught from the spring that flowed 

Through the meadow across the road.

She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up,

And filled for him her small tin cup,

And blushed as she gave it, looking down 

On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.

"Thanks!" said the Judge; "a sweeter draught 

From a fairer hand was never quaffed."

He spoke of the grass and flowers and trees, 

Of the singing birds and the humming bees;

Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether 

The cloud in the west would bring foul weather.

And Maud forgot her brier-torn gown, 

And her graceful ankles bare and brown;

And listened, while a pleased surprise 

Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.

At last, like one who for delay 

Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away.

Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah me!

That I the Judge's bride might be!

"He would dress me up in silks so fine,

And praise and toast me at his wine.

"My father should wear a broadcloth coat;

My brother should sail a painted boat.

"I'd dress my mother so grand and gay,

And the baby should have a new toy each day.

"And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor

And all should bless me who left our door."

The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill,

And saw Maud Muller standing still.

"A form more fair, a face more sweet 

Ne'er hath it been my lot to meet.

"And her modest answer and graceful air 

Show her wise and good as she is fair.

"Would she were mine, and I to-day, 

Like her, a harvester of hay

"No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs, 

Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues,

"But low of cattle and song of birds,

And health and quiet and loving words."

But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold,

And his mother, vain of her rank and gold.

So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on,

And Maud was left in the field alone.

But the lawyers smiled that afternoon, 

When he hummed in court an old love-tune;

And the young girl mused beside the well, 

Till the rain on the unraked clover,

He wedded a wife of richest dower, 

Who lived for fashion, as he for power.

Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow, 

He watched a picture come and go

And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes 

Looked out in their innocent surprise.

Oft, when the wine in his glass was red, 

He longed for the wayside well instead;

And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms 

To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.

And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain,

"Ah, that I were free again!

"Free as when I rode that day, 

Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay."

She wedded a man unlearned and poor,

And many children played round her door.

But care and sorrow, and childbirth pain, 

Left their traces on heart and brain.

And oft, when the summer sun shone hot

On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot,

And she heard the little spring brook fall 

Over the roadside, through the wall;

In the shade of the apple-tree again 

She saw a rider draw his rein.

And gazing down with timid grace 

She felt his pleased eyes read her face.

Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls 

Stretched away into stately halls;

The weary wheel to a spinnet turned,

The tallow candle an astral burned,

And for him who sat by the chimney lug,

Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug,

A manly form at her side she saw, 

And joy was duty and love was law.

Then she took up her burden of life again,

Saying only, "it might have been."

Alas for maiden, alas for Judge, 

For rich repiner and household drudge!

God pity them both! and pity us all, 

Who vainly the dreams of youth recall.

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies

Deeply buried from human eyes;

And, in the hereafter, angels may

Roll the stone from its grave away!

-THE END-

John Greenleaf Whittier's poem: Maud Muller

Deep Dark Secrets

Have you ever thought about what you would do with your life if EVERY option were available, regardless of time, talent, education or money?

I have.

Do you know what I would choose to do?

I would make music videos.

Not sleezy semi-pornographic videos, no no.

Neat ones.:

Like This

Or This.

Or This.

Why? Because they're beautiful and creative and fun. And I want to make things that are beautiful, and sometimes I feel like I'm creative and it would be fun to do.

Will I ever do it?

Probably not.

So sad.

But if I did, I think I might make one like this for kicks:

Like this.

On Being Older

When I was younger I was very good at journal keeping.

Then it got to the point where I was really only journaling "big" things like "Oh HI, journal...So long story short there's this boy and he HELD MY HAND TONIGHT!!" Bubbles bubbles bubbles.

Then it got to the point where I was really only journaling once a year - the night before my birthday.

I don't think my journal knows I got married. Or started college for that matter.

But today is my birthday. And, though I didn't write yesterday - I still think I remember how yesterday (my last day of being "the big two-zero") felt.

My twentieth year was certainly a doozie.  Not what I would have expected for myself for my twentieth year.  In fact, at the cusp of my twenty-first birthday (last night) I found myself having a come-apart all about "who am i? what am i doing? where am i? where am i going?" because none of it seems to line up.

Turns out some of those feelings may have been valid, but mostly I was/am just tired.

But despite my crazy mind and non-traditional (or overly-traditional, depending on the way you look at it) life choices, I think I'm doing okay. And that's mostly what one should want to feel, I think, on their birthday. That they're doing okay. I may have made a few interesting turns, and I'm certainly taking some different side roads - but they're prettier than inter-state highways, anyway.

I can be patient.

My sweet sister - who wrote a neat and disgustingly accurate blog regarding my birthday that you should all read because its hiLARIOUS - gave me a gem of a gift. I didn't feel like getting my shmancy pants camera out so i took mirror-image pictures with my macbook. Sorry they're backwards.

 

It says, "What to focus on: Happy." Could there be anything more perfect?

I submit there could not.

Thank you, Emmy.

And welcome, Twenty-One.

 

Emmy also left secret BALLOONS outside my door for when i got home :) 

I LOVE BALLOONS!!!

And the prettiest, happiest necklace from my mom.

And pure, sweet, thoughtful, present-giving, favorite-present love from my husband.

New Family Portraits

Check out my new blog where I just posted some new family portraits!

I have another (new) blog

It's up and running!

It's official!

It's beautiful!

It's my "PHOTOG-BLOG!"

To be associated with one, Elizabeth Helen Photography, for all photography-related posts.

You'll visit often, won't you!?

CLICK HERE!!

Why Europeans are Smarter than Americans.

Because they know the difference between this:

and this:

when using one of these:

When I drive home from school or work, I usually have to use a round about.

The point of a roundabout is to keep traffic moving.

NOT TO CAUSE A LINEUP OF AT LEAST 4 CARS AT EACH ENTRANCE.

It's not a four-way stop, people.

C'mon everybody!!

Let's REMEMBER what we learned in TRAFFIC SCHOOL!!!!

In Real Life?

I was thinking about Transformers the other day. I know. Weird. It's because our landlord has these guys redoing our driveway - extending it and paving it and crap. And at night they've been leaving their gi-gumbo sized equipment in the driveway. And when you come home late at night, and all you see is this massive silhouette of machinery glinting with the evening's dew, well it's creeptastic, okay?

And I've been thinking to myself - there are some movies that I could handle as being real.  Cars, for instance. I wouldn't mind it if my cars talked and had personalities. Superhero movies would not be so bad in real life, either. If there's a super-villian hanging around town, I'm okay with it as long as Batman or Spiderman will kick his patootie.

But Transformers? Dag gum that would be scary. And I'm real, real glad it's all pretend.

So...When it Comes Right Down to it....

What I've learned in school this week:

1. In employment situations, everyone is (basically) just trying to impress each other.

Example 1: Hey look! I came up with this great product idea!

Sure, someone might need that product. But it also could get you a promotion.

Example 2: Hey look! I made 10 sales today!

More money for you, and your boss thinks you're a great salesman.

Example 3: Hey look! This boring snoring report is really well organized!

Menial work suddenly becomes praiseworthy!

2. In school, everyone is (basically) just trying to impress each other.

Example 1: I've got a 4.0 GPA!

Impressed future employers, friends and family members abound!

Example 2: You only studied for 2 hours? I studied for 10!!

Academic badge of courage.

Example 3: I understand the concept just fine, but the teacher is asking me to prove it with this busywork. I'll do it for YOU, teacher!!

Teacher feels satisfied seeing quantifiable results.

I guess what I've realized is that most actions are a double-edges sword. You may be TOTALLY jazzed about doing service, so you become the president of a service organization.  But the fact is...it does look really good on a resume, and that never hurts, does it?

What I'm saying is - I just wish that we could all just be real people. I wish we could just get to know each other instead of feel like we have to impress each other.  I should just be able to like to sing, and not have to feel I need to be the best singer for people to believe that it's a legitimate hobby. 

Sure a resume scratches the surface to show what kind of a person someone is.  But people are so much more than the objective outcomes they produce or positions they have filled.

And isn't learning supposed to be an individual thing? I'm in school because I want to be, taking classes that interest me, so I'm a better thinking and thus a better citizen of the universe?  Why has education become a system of proven, executable outcomes focused on homework and test content, rather than the students and what they're absorbing.

I just feel like humans get easily distracted. In trying to formalize the emphasis of "important things" we just end up getting way off track sometimes.

And forgive me for the GIANT, sweeping generalizations I have made. These are all just extreme examples to help me maybe get my brain into words, which is usually sort of difficult.

Also - whenever I say "when it comes right down to it," as in my title, I think of this:

Fall Magic

I was inspired by my dear new friend, Marie, and her sweet blog. 

See, this fall has been THE MOST magical. There is something about the crisp air and chilly feelings and I'm loving it.

Tradition says one should take a ride around to see the fall colors. Marie says I should take pictures and call it a "wander" or something similarly dreamy like that.

So my husband and I wandered around Aspen Grove up Provo Canyon!

SO PRETTY.

Doesn't it look like glowing, yellow lace?

Or little gold coins hanging on branches?

Or something out of a fairy tale?

:)

Glowing canyon :)

I suppose Utah is pretty gorgeous, after all.  I've become quite attached to the beautiful nature around here and it hits me in my heart every time I see it. (In a good way.)

The Thing I Hate the Most.

It's road-kill.

I hate it. 

Any time I see a poor something on the side of (or in the middle of) the road, I can't help but get chocked up in the back of my throat.

I feel like I saw a lot of road-kill this last weekend and it made me a little ill inside.

I can't help but wonder what poor Mr. Raccoon was doing when tragedy hit.  What was it that was so distracting to him that he didn't see the semi-truck bounding down the road? Was his wife in labor?  Was he just brining back the Thai take-out he had gone to pick up? Or maybe he died heroically, because Mr. Raccoon Junior was playing in the road (against his mother's strict "no-playing-in-the-road" rule) and Mr. Raccoon senior ran out to push him out of the way of the semi-truck just in time.

Or the sweet deer?  Did the driver and she make eye contact first? Why didn't the driver slow down?  Why didn't the deer back away? Why? WHY?!?!?!

And SO. HELP. ME. (me AND my emotional state) if it's a cat or - MUCH WORSE - a dog.  Sometimes I can't bear to look too closely so as to avoid seeing that. Ignorance, in this case, is bliss.

 This one time I was running at my parent's house.  There is this fabulous loop of a hill that's great to run or walk when you need a good 20-40 minute work-out.  And on the hill behind the house there was a dead squirrel in the center of the road.

That wouldn't do.

Upon further inspection (with no touching, I promise), I determined that the poor thing was indeed dead.

I found some sticks and tried to shift her wee body out of the center of the road because, let's face it, to die by car is bad enough, but to die by car and then get run over again and again and again is a WHOLE other story.

But the sticks weren't working. The poor thing had bled a bit and was stuck to the blazing-hot asphalt.

So I went home for supplies.

I filled two 44 ounce cups with warm water, and grabbed a shovel.  Then I returned to Mrs. Squirrel (her little baby-feeding tummy was apparent. She was definitely a Mrs.)

I poured the warm water around her body so it would loosen her from the street. Then I scooped her little body onto the shovel.  Then I put her up into the woods on the side of the street, and covered her wee body with earth.

Poor thing.

If only all sweet ill-fated creatures could have such a burial.

My Very Own DIY.

I follow Design Sponge fairly religiously and my favorite posts are the DIY before and after posts.  Every time I see something inspiring, which is often, I resolve to do something myself.

So I did.

In the move in/move out hullabaloo that occurred at the end of August this last summer, someone left behind a sad looking dresser. It was totally cheap and falling apart. It was left in the front entry way outside our apartment door. Eventually, someone moved it outside. It got rained on. It got soggy. There were bugs in it. And I took pity.

So I brought it inside, let it dry for a few days, and made the Home Depot my best friend.

Check it out!!

Before:

So sad! It was peeling already from the rain...

Broken, crooked drawers.

I bought "Paint Stripper" and covered it. You can see its acidic goodness seeping in, here. Don't get that stuff on your skin, though. It burns. I wore bright orange utility/rubberey gloves. It made me feel like Marty McFly in Back to the Future when he dresses in his yellow "space suit."

Then I used a scraper to peel off the white not-really-paint-but-I-don't-know-what-else-to-call-it paint.

Then I sanded it.

And in the process of scraping it fell apart, so I put it back together (making a shelf with two drawers instead of four drawers) and filled in all the screw and nail holes with putty stuff and left it to dry over night.

Then I primed it:

 And was SO EXCITED to paint it! (Just LOOK at how EXCITED I am! Or perhaps that's a look of mild apprehension? I don't know. You pick.)

And I painted.

Drip, drip drip.

TAH DAH!!!!!

Complete with festive lantern and candy corn!

It's so cute I could just die.

This project comes highly recommended.