Monday, February 25, 2008

The Story:

So once upon a time there was a girl and it was me and i was running fast in the woods like unto Pocahontas and it was free and wonderful and great!! I was flying fast and free, doin' my thang, as it were. Life was easy, life was challenging, life was GOOD! Fly away girl, just fly away!!

Then all of a sudden and out of the blue, a bear popped out from behind a tree. "Growl!" it said with a playful look in it's eye. I was frightened at first, and i said "Hey..BEAR! Don't you look at me that way!" After that, the bear and i established a great friendship and the bear ran with me thru the woods. We ran, frolic and romp! Frolic and romp!

Soon we found ourselves hiking up a beautiful mountain with trees, flowers, water and many a tall' forest grass. The exercise was fulfilling and the scenery was illuminating, but I was lost in the vegetation!! very lost when

I fell of a cliff.

I just kept falling and falling. The wind was rushing thru my hair and past my face. It was so cold and unfortunately, there was nothing to catch me. I couldn't pull a Road-Runner and just walk on the air. I couldn't pull an Indiana Jones and reach out to grab any one of the convenient trees growing out of the side of a rock cliff. I just fell through the air.

Eventually I began to realize that falling in the air is very much like flying.


Friday, February 22, 2008

Out of my Hands

"Out Of My Hands"
Dave Matthews Band

Out on my window ledge
I don't feel safe
And I stay
Looking down on you

It's out of my hands for now
It's out of my hands for now

I can't just walk away
Be nice to walk away
But I don't feel safe
Get away, all the way up here

Its out of my hands for now
Its out of my hands for now

Oh it is
Down in from here
And down from here
Start to feel insane
Out on my window ledge

Now our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
And all that believe stand behind him and smile
As the day lights up with fire

Let me in
Let me in

I start to feel like I'm crazed


Out on my window ledge

Now our finest hour arrives
See the pig dressed in his finest fine
And all the believers stand behind him and smile
Watch the day's lights up with fire

Looking down from here
It's outta my hands for now
Out on my window ledge
It's outta my hands for now
So let me in
Let me in

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Being a music major makes me feel like a juice bag.
I love it too much to quit, i hate it too much to keep going.

Talk about a pickle, huh!?

Sunday, February 17, 2008


Today...uh, er i mean tonight I am grateful. Maybe there should be two thanksgivings a year so i can celebrate the wonderful nature of my life right now.

1. I don't think my face has hurt so much so consistently from smiling so consistently.
2. It is so fantastic that despite the travails and despondent moments of life can be totally and completely obliterated in one word, look, or gesture.
3. Jazz music is for dancing.

4. I am so grateful to my God for everything he has given me.
- - I am at a fantastic university
- - i have the best roommates that ever did live
- - and I truly believe that it is God's grace and mercy that put away my trombone tonight after my Synthesis concert.
- - (Not to mention how the spirit uplifted us all during the performance and it was great!!)

5. I feel like heaven isn't so far. If you really think about it - the Lord puts people on this earth for each other. I am here for you, and you are here for me (whoever "you" are) - YES! it's true! (I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together? Goo goo ga joob?) So I can say i get hugs from God every day because he is trusting one of his sons or his daughters to hold me for just one moment in His tender spirit. All things that are good come of God. Happy feelings are good. Hugs are good. People are good. So people who hug you and give you happy feelings are from God. It's just the way it is.

And i even have heaven-sent flowers on my table. I got them for Valentines Day.
They're the prettiest flowers I've ever seen.

Friday, February 15, 2008

La la la la la Life is Wonderful!

Do you ever have those days where you think everything is so drab and then God plays a trick on you and everything is actually 100% amazing?!?! too.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Oh happy day! Oh happy day!

There is so much to say!

I was sitting in church today and i thought to myself "this is a blog day!"

I'm happy, i feel good. Life is fantastic.
As opposed to my first blog here, i am feeling so much better! I don't want to run away. Granted, i feel very anxious much of the time, thinking about all the places there are to see and all that there is to do. There is much to do in life, and i definitely intend to do it all. Good thing i'm going to live to be 100!!

However, for now, i'm where I should be. I'm with people who love me. I'm learning. I'm having fun!

Everything is illuminated.

I took off my high heels and ran home from church with Lizi. The sun is out! We spun outside, barefoot, with skirts flowing. And i must admit that though i don't usually think of myself as an "attractive" person, it's those times, and usually only those times, when i feel truly beautiful. Who wouldn't be, laughing and twirling in the sun!?

Music is life. I love it. It fills me up.

Spontaneity is life. I love it. It makes me laugh.

Service is life. I love it. I want to do so much more lately. I think i'm going to find an outlet.

People are life. I love them! And i've realized that i've been far to self-centered lately. The difference between me in September, me in December/January, and me now is that i started with my head on straight, it got knocked out of place for a little while, and now i'm fixing it up again. I had priorities, i lost them, and i'm gaining them back! It was about goals, and getting to know people and loving others. Then it got to be about surviving, doing what I need to do, and (regrettably) allowing all other thoughts to wander away. Now i've realized that change! I need to make a change for the better. I'm not actively thinking. Everything is so passive. It's going to change! I'm not being attentive to my spiritual welfare and that's going to change too! I'm excited for what's ahead.

But mostly i'm excited for the nap i'm going to take today.
Tee hee. :)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


he said i am beautiful


Sunday, February 3, 2008

i hurt.

I feel as though i am a time-bomb.
Life is a beautiful forest, and each friend i make plants a new tree.
As friendships grow, the trees grow tall and thick and beautiful and green.
And then something happens.

No more tree. It's all just charred debris.
Eventually some seedlings may try to poke through.
But it takes twice as long for those to grow in the barren, burnt soil.
This is how i feel.
This is what happens to me.